In In My Humble Opinion

Losing weight while jerking off

Posted by: on May 31, 2010 | 3 Comments

@irasez

LOSING WEIGHT WHILE JERKING OFF

Yes folks, there is now scientific proof that you can burn calories and develop that finely toned body just by jerking off.  Don’t believe me?  Well, check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W0FfkaIEXE

And for you women: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwIJlEsIVZQ

This is so great, I can’t contain myself. I just walked in from from the gym with Linda and Allie. While I was on the treadmill, up pops the Shake Weight for Man commercial. I don’t have the sound on but the commercial is quite compelling. An extremely buff guy is using a dumb bell with a spring mechanism attached to it to jerk off.  Backing up this claim is graphs, stats, etc., all proving that this contraption can give you the perfect body in a 6 minute workout. If you don’t recognize the motion, go back to the monastery you crawled out from under because some company is basically telling you that masturbation is the next great craze in exercise!

On the way home, I mention that I just saw this piece of fitness equipment that proves what men have been trying to tell women for years: Jerking off is exercise. Allie bursts out laughing telling us she has seen the same commercial but it’s the female version. Female version?!?!?! This is better than I ever imagined. Not only are they telling men to jerk off but they are telling women to help. How cool is that?

You want my recommendation?  Go buy a 5 or 10 pound dumb bell and a bottle of your favorite skin lubrication. Put the dumb bell in one hand, lube up the other and…well, use your imagination (but not on the dumb bell).

3 Comments

  1. lizzie
    May 31, 2010

    Actually, Fitness Magazine rated this product very well. I never put it together-what a surprise. Now I know my Father’s Day present for Larry.

  2. Artie
    June 30, 2010

    I thought you were just kidding about this product…….if my gym bought this product thier membership would triple just on the entertainment value.

  3. Do You Really Need an Ear Vacuum? | IraSez
    January 10, 2013

    […] By a show of hands, how many of you have seen the commercial for the ear vacuum?  You know, The WaxVac. This thing is so strange on so many levels I don’t know where to begin. First, the thing looks like a tiny weenie itsy bitsy little vibrating woman pleaser. Now I’m mean really small….think George Costanza running around screaming “shrinkage, shrinkage!” Small or not, completely phallic to me and not to be confused with the shake weight. For my thoughts on that baby you need to check out an old IraSez post: http://irasez.com/2010/05/31/losing-weight-while-jerking-off/ […]