You Do Need Electricity to Make Coffee

Posted by: on Jul 25, 2011 | 2 Comments

Some days stuff happens right in front of you that just makes you shake your head and “say what the f*&^ are people thinking.”  Today was one of those days. At about 5 AM this morning, a transformer in Millburn decided it had enough of this heat and humidity leaving several thousand customers without electricity, including Monarch Communications (that’s my business in case you are wondering) in beautiful downtown Millburn, New Jersey. I knew there was a problem with the traffic lights in town but had no idea had widespread the issue was until I arrived at my office at the usual time… 8:30….OK, 8:45…well maybe it was closer to 9….but come to think of it there was a bit more traffic than usual because of the lights being out so let’s just call it 9:15.

Anyway, once I realized there was no electricity in the building (hence no AC or internet), I decided to park myself at a table in front of Starbucks at the corner of Main Street and Millburn Avenue, along with some of friends and co-tenants. Let me paint a perfectly clear picture for you. When I first arrived at Starbucks there was no electricity anywhere in town. Millburn Avenue was 100% dark as was Main Street (although many merchants had there doors open). There were no traffic lights operating in town and police barricades were up to prevent the cross flow of traffic. People were out walking, sitting, milling around.

A few minutes after I took up residence at the table in front of Starbucks, someone walked by and pulled on the door to get in for their morning latte. They actually seemed quite surprised that Starbucks was closed. In the next hour or so, this moment was repeated on a fairly regular basis, maybe 10 – 12 times. Each time our group just looked at each other and smiled. I guess the relationship between coffee and electricity never really dawned on these people. That or maybe they thought Starbucks would have electricity when everyone else in town didn’t. I know that some people say that Starbucks coffee gives them gas but I really doubt it’s enough to power the cappuccino maker, let alone the whole store.

Would You Like Some Starch With Your Face

Posted by: on Jul 22, 2011 | No Comments

A few years ago, on a winter Sunday morning, I was in the Mall at Short Hills just as the stores open. Many folks use the mall to get their morning exercise and the mall walkers were out in force. There was one particular woman who made me do a major double take. She was clad in a designer velour black warm-up suit. She looked to be in pretty good shape as she walked at a good pace. Her arms moved in coordination with her stride but as I passed I realized her face never moved as it appeared her skin had been pulled back behind her hairline. As Linda and I have come to say when we see a person like this, they’ve had bit too much starch.

I thought of this moment a couple of nights ago when I saw a promo clip for the Jay Leno show featuring Barry Manilow. Holy shit…talk about your completely over the top facelifts. Poor Barry’s face looks like it was taken to the Chinese laundromat and they used they whole friggin’ can of starch. His lips were moving but the rest of his face appeared to be some sort of plaster mask. It was really weird.

Sticking with this theme, the other morning on the news, there was a report about one of the side effects of using a smart phone, premature lines around your eyes cause by squinting at that little screen. The solution? Botox. The woman in the story looked like she was 12, was actually around 30 and was planning on getting regular botox injections to remove her lines. Whatever happened to growing old gracefully?

I remember an episode of Nip/Tuck where Joely Richardson’s character falls through a glass door. Her hubby and his partner rush her into surgery to remove glass fragments from her face. Before putting her under they ask if she’d like a little extra work done to remove her signs of age. She responds “I like my lines. They remind me of where I’ve been.” I really love that line!

I’m not anti plastic surgery. I think many procedures can certainly enhance how a person feels about themselves and plastic surgeons are often miracle workers in many situations but I also think that many times it doesn’t do what people think it does. Did that woman in the mall look any younger? Scary…yes; younger…not so much.  Does Barry Manilow, Joan Rivers, Melanie Griffith, Bruce Jenner et al look better than they did? Hell no…put some white face make-up on them and they can be the next horror movie star…without having to use a mask.

You wanna shoot toxins in your face, be my guest. Have hard as rock melon size hooters, go for it.  Make your nose the size pea, have at it. Just realize that everyone knows exactly what you’ve done. Afterall, it’s called “plastic” surgery because you might end up look just like that…plastic.


The Lost Art of Compromise

Posted by: on Jul 14, 2011 | No Comments

I have often stated that my political views are that “I’m a dyed in the wool moderate,” which according to my GNN friend Scott doesn’t make any sense.  I’m not a member of any political party, I have no patience for political extremists, I lean one way on some issues,  the other way on other issues and I have been searching for some sort of 3rd party that I can relate to. I can’t understand how a politician can be pro life and pro death penalty, pro guns because they hunt and anti-environment (which is where they hunt), want to increase taxes without ending pork barrel spending and yada, yada, yada.

My opinion of the folks running thing in our nation’s capital these days is that they suck. Most politicians favorite thing to do is to hear themselves talk as long and as loudly as possible. They are completely out of touch with reality because if they had a clue, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are right now and where we are right now is the 2 parties are carrying on like little children trying not to lose their lollipop.

It’s not like I have a complete understanding of these things but as near as I can tell our nation is broke. At the beginning of August we will have maxed out the corporate card, reached some sort of debt ceiling and nobody wants to figure a way out.  Oh both sides of the argument have ideas but neither one is budging or making any sort of overture to work out a compromise.  There’s that word…compromise. You never hear about our so called leaders reaching across the aisle, sacrifice for the greater good, politicians from both parties working together to hammer out a compromise.

You hear about negotiations but they don’t really seems to be negotiating. It’s just the 2 biggest idiots on the block screaming at each other about who gets to turn on the fire hydrant while the neighbors house burns down. In the end, the neighbor will have lost everything and then the 2 idiots can start blaming each other.

And so my fellow Americans, in closing let me say that I really don’t have a complete understanding of these things and I’m pretty sure the folks who are supposed to take care of these things are in the same situation. I only wish I could be there when their house starts burning down so I can smack them upside the head with fire hydrant wrench.