Confessions Of A Left Lane Tailgater
Confessions Of A Left Lane Tailgater
Let’s get a few of things straight. Item 1 – When you are driving on the highway, the “speed limit” is not really a law…it’s more of a suggestion. If you are driving the “speed limit” at let’s say the posted limit of 65 MPH, chances are you are one of the slowest, if not the slowest, driver on that road.
Good Round, Good Cry
Good Round, Good Cry
My hole-in-one, June 2016
Yes, it’s true. On June 18, 2016, on the 6th hole of the Gold Course at Flanders Valley Golf Course, a 200 yard downhill par 3, I hit my tee shot, watched it land just short of the green, take a couple of bounces and roll into the cup. I have witnesses, just in case you don’t believe me. I was speechless….shocking….I know. My big reaction was to put my hands on my head and gape wordlessly at the green below me.
As I walked down the hill, towards the green and my ball in that hole, I called my dad. Now this was early on a Saturday morning, an unusual time for my almost daily phone conversation with my dad. He picked up the phone and I said “Hi dad!”
His response was “What’s wrong” or something along those lines. Being that it was so early in the day, I’m sure it thought there was something wrong.
“Nothing,” I replied. “I just got a hole-in-one!”
He was very happy for me. The round continued and I played well below my average game but at least I had that hole-in-one. On a side note, the ball I hit was actually one I had just found in the woods, hit that one shot with, and it now resides in the top of my dresser draw waiting to place in some sort of hole-in-one display. I’ll get to it some day.
For those of you that are regular golfers, right now my handicap is a 10. For those of you that are not regular golfers, this means my average round is in the mid 80s, a good round is in the low 80s, and we want talk about the bad rounds. These are on courses where par is 72. Every once in a while, I will actually break 80 and shoot a round in the 70s. Usually this happens all once a year but last year it actually happened twice, which was the first time I had broken 80 twice in one season. I guess some things do get better with age!
Whenever I did break 80 or have a really good round, I could always tell my father was happy for me. Dad took up golf late in life, as he was more of a tennis player. I don’t think he ever really loved the game, never kept score, but my mom said “we are going to learn to play golf together,” so he did what he was told. He did like getting outside, and he always enjoyed playing with me during my trips to Florida over the years. Even when he stopped playing, he’d come along for the ride, just to get some fresh air and watch me curse my way around the golf course.
About 2 weeks, I once again broke 80, shooting a 79 on the same course where I got my hole-in-one. I was quite pleased with my round and was thinking there wasn’t anything that could ruin that moment. I drove away from the golf course, called Linda to let her in on the good news. After that call ended, my next reaction was to call my dad, only there was no one to call as he had passed away 3 months before. It was the first time all season I had something about my golf game to share with my dad and he wasn’t there for me to share it with him. So the tears came, just as they are now as I’m writing this.
Since my dad’s passing in April, I just never know when one of “those moments” are going to hit me. Even though it’s been well over 6 years since my mom left us, I still have “those moments” when something reminds me of her. Honestly, I hope “those moments” never leave me and I don’t think they ever will. I think of my parents every day but on the day broke 80, I just broke down.
IraSez…in the Twilight Zone
IraSez…in the Twilight Zone
Before I get to the point of this one, here’s a little background info. 10 days ago, my 94-year-old father, who lives in Florida, was taken to the hospital for the 2nd time in the last 2 months. When you get to be that age, one thing leads to another and another, and he’s got a few issues at this point.
Hair There and Everywhere
Hair There and Everywhere
Way back in 1983, my wife and I were having dinner at the Wobbly Barn on the Killington Ski Resort Access Road. After dinner, we went upstairs to listen to the band playing. The guitarist had some sort of mole or birth mark on his neck, and growing out of that thing were several long, stringy hairs, that were probably over 6 inches long. My thinking was that dude should make a ponytail out of those things. Linda’s thinking was “that’s disgusting.”
Flash forward to this past November. I was at the lighting ceremony for the Winter Walk In Taylor Park (in ye olde home town of Millburn), when a gentleman walked by me suffering from the same affliction. Birth mark on his neck, long thick hairs, in a need of a ponytail. In both of those cases all I could think was “where are my scissors and good set of tweezers?”
One of my pet peeves (and I have quite a few) is nose and ear hair, not to mention hair growing out of other places where you just don’t want it and I don’t want to see it. I have friends who have lost most of their hair where they want it and have hair growing where they shouldn’t want it.
As my wife will tell, I’m pretty fidgety. Always have been and probably always will be. When I was young, I was constantly picking at or biting my nails. Now that I’m not so young, I’ve turned my attention to places where hair grows where it shouldn’t, such as those 2 fellas I told you about.
If you see me feeling around my ear lobes, the outside of my nose, that small birth mark I have on my neck…chances are my Spidey senses are telling “get the tweezers!” I’ve also have a spot on my back, one on my stomach and another on my right arm that need my attention from time-to-time. Many times, I don’t realize I’m doing it. I just get this itch and have to go hunting for the source.
But what constantly grabs my attention is men (and some of you women out there) who don’t pay any attention to this sort of grooming. You get your hair cut, your facial hairs are nicely trimmed and/or shaven (or zapped for you ladies) but you’ve got enough hair growing out of your ears to make bald man weep!
Luckily for me, most of the hair that grows on my body still manages to grow where I want it…on my head (the one on my shoulders, so just get your minds out of the gutter), and I don’t have those patches of hairs on my ears or those little stringy fellas that I so often see on the tip of another man’s nose.
And now for a quick update. Last week I had hernia surgery, which means they shaved all around the family jewels. After the surgery, I lifted my surgical gown, took one look at my now bald groin and thought “I forgot my after shave!”
A Florida Winter Daze
A Florida Winter Daze
This past Monday, I was in Florida visiting my dad. At home in New Jersey, the morning temperatures hovered in the single digits. In Florida, the low reached 45 with a bit of breeze but if you saw the way folks were dressed, you’d be hard pressed to tell the difference between NJ and Florida.
Shea Stadium Daze
Sticking with my truth is stranger (and sometimes funnier) than fiction theme. If you are a parent in 2018, I want you to picture this. You put your son and a few of his friends on a train, so they can go to the ball game with no parental supervision. Seems OK…right.
Frank Perdue and Kosher Chickens
Frank Perdue and Kosher Chickens
It’s been way too long and I can’t explain why, but let’s move on. As my family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc, etc, will tell you, I’m a man of many stories…almost all of them true…which I like to tell often and over and over again. After all, truth is stranger (and usually funnier) than fiction.
Long Before Someone Kneeled
There’s been a lot of talk lately about football, politics, TV ratings and what’s wrong with America’s most popular sport.
This Is Just A Test
This Is Just A Test
Earlier this morning, I was cleaning up after breakfast. Standing at the sink, doing the dishes, back to the TV, when I heard that sound. You know the one I’m talking about. The emergency broadcast sound.
Recent Comments