Use E-Z Way Parking at Newark Airport At Your Own Risk
Monday, September 28, 2015, just before 11 PM, our plane from LAX lands at Newark. At 11:09 PM, while walking through the terminal, I call E-Z Way Parking at the Crowne Plaza Hotel to have them pick Linda and me up. I’m told to be at door 5 on level 2. The usual pick-up spot in on level 3 but I’m told it’s closed.
At 11:24 PM, still on level 2, I call again only to be told that I should be on level 1 as level 2 is closed…which it is not. The nasty woman (and I’m using all my restraint in just calling her nasty), hangs up on me. We go down to level 1 but still see traffic on level 2, so at 11:27 PM, I go back to level 2 (just to make sure), call Mrs. Nasty and her folks are being picked up on level 2 without issue, she mutters something about staying on level 1 and hangs up on me again.
Back down to level 1, it is now 11:32, no E-Z Way van in sight, so I call again. This time the bitchy woman (see, she’s gone from nasty to bitchy), calls the van and tells the driver “this crazy guy has called 14 times. When are you picking him up?” At 11:37 PM, we finally get picked up and brought to E-Z Way, where our car is waiting for us, which is a small miracle. I go inside the office (which is really just a piece of shit trailer) to pay the tab. Mrs. Nasty Bitchy takes my credit card, hands me the receipt, puts the keys down on the counter and is generally the most unfriendly human being I have encountered all day…no make that all week….no, oh forget it. All the while, I say nothing. Totally, 100% mum to this nasty bitchy person….and it was killing me.
When I reach for the key to my car, Mrs. First Class Bitch on Wheels (note the progression), yells at me telling me that they have to bring out my car, which I know they do not. At this point, one of the Mr. Asshole Driver Dudes grabs my key just as I reach for it and I let nasty bitchy lady have it. Tell her she was nasty to me on the phone, hung up on me twice and that I waited nearly 1/2 hour to be picked up. At this point, Mr. Asshole Driver Dude, who looks like he escaped from prison about 2 or 3 hours earlier, gets all up in my face, and tells me to get out of the office and wait for my car. For a moment, I actually thought I was in danger of this guy getting violent with me.
Now my poor wife is outside the office/piece of shit trailer watching and listening the whole time. None too happily I must say. One of the other customers there, who witnessed part of this, looks at me and says “you never know who you are dealing with” just as the escaped convict walks past us into the lot, presumably to get my car, the only issue is I have no idea which car he’s getting as my car is about 25 feet from us. The only somewhat normal employee there, who happened to be the van driver who picked us up, comes out of the trailer and gives me my key. At this point, I’m so famished (think Yiddish, not hungry), I don’t even realize he has just handed me the key to my car. After a moment, I figure this whole thing out, get in the car and drive away, never to return.
On the car ride home, Linda is visibly upset, and I’m beside myself for:
1. Not calling the cops and having Mr. Asshole Convict Dude thrown back in jail.
2. Actually walking out of the trailer without really letting bitchy woman have it (which is probably a good thing in hindsight).
3. For not having some sort of incendiary device and torching the trailer with Mrs. Nasty Bitchy (and other words I’m not allowed to use) inside the damn thing! Having the convict in there would have been bonus and I don’t want to appear greedy.
Now, lest you think this is just me, here are some online reviews of EZ Way Parking that will be back me up on what a disgusting place of business this is:
Yelp – http://www.yelp.com/biz/e-z-way-parking-elizabeth
Read their Google review – https://www.google.com/search?authuser=3&q=ez+way+parking+newark&&&&#
And there are other stories similar to mine on other travel sites. If ever there was a business that should be shut down for treating their customers like shit, this is the place. Unfortunately, it’s probably the cheapest long term parking at Newark Airport and people will put up with crazy shit when it’s cheap…I know I did.
Here’s what I need everyone to do. First, never use E-Z Way. Second, if you know anyone who parks at Newark Airport, make sure they never use E-Z Way. Third, I don’t often ask this but please re-post this blog. I really want people to know about how I was treated and, in general, how lots of other folks have been treated at this place. These people are nasty, vile, disgusting human beings and should be put out of business. Because their prices are so cheap, I know that’s a pipe dream but I will sleep better knowing that I’m doing my part in making sure what happened to me, doesn’t happen to someone else.
The Pope The Cardinal and The Rabbi
The Pope, a Cardinal and a Rabbi walk into bar. Just kidding, well sort of. As most everyone knows, Pope Francis has come to America. I found it ironic that his visit to our country coincided with Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the year for us members of the tribe. Not only do we have 2 major religious events on the same day but, it just so happens that 20 years ago, my Rabbi had a front row seat when Pope John Paul II came to Giants Stadium.
Back in 1995, the Senior Rabbi at Temple B’nai Jeshurun (TBJ), where the Berkowitz family has been a member for the past 24 years, was Rabbi Barry Greene. A little history about TBJ: It is the largest and oldest reform Jewish congregation in the state of New Jersey. It was founded in 1848 in Newark, by the influx of mostly German Jews coming to America from Eastern Europe. German Jews were big on assimilation. In other words we can know we’re Jewish but we don’t you to know we’re Jewish.
When my family first joined TBJ, I was one of a handful of congregants to wear a yarmulke (a Jewish skullcap) during services. That’s the way I was brought up – when in Temple, you wore a yarmulke. I learned that Germanic Jews very often shied away from any outward display of Judaism, which I discussed with Rabbi Greene.
In the 1950s, Rabbi Greene served as a Chaplain in the US Navy. His commanding office was Rear Admiral John O’Connor, Chief of Naval Chaplains. Yes, that John O’Connor, who would go to become Cardinal O’Connor, Archbishop of New York…and that’s how The Pope, The Cardinal and The Rabbi came together in Giants Stadium.
Rabbi Greene was invited by Cardinal O’Connor to sit with his delegation on the day the Pope spoke in New Jersey. Just like Bob Uecker, there’s my Rabbi, “sitting in the front row.” Might not have been the front row, but it sure was close. A couple of daze later, I happen to run into Rabbi Greene on Millburn Avenue just as he had left the one hour photo store (remember those???), where he picked up his pictures from his day with The Cardinal and The Pope. He very proudly shared those photos with him, and was quick to point the red skullcap The Pope was wearing. “Look,” he said to me. “The Pope is wearing a yarmulke.”
To this day, every time I put on my bright orange and blue yarmulke, I can’t help but think “just like The Pope.” Only mine is a slightly different color.
Presidential Campaign Sponsorships
In today’s over the top, everything is for sale, your name here marketing environment, I was thinking it would be fun to see what sponsor would fit some of the presidential candidates. Some are obvious and others may need a little explaining but here it goes:
Trains Trains Go Away
I grew up on the Port Washington line of the Long Island Railroad. Far and away the best train line in the NY metro area. The local was 33 minutes, the express 23. No change in Jamaica, frequent service, and not a whole lot of problems – from what I remember…but it’s been a very long time since I last rode the LIRR on a regular basis.
Without seeming to be a complete sexist or pervert or gawker or groper…what the hell is with women and their cleavage? I understand you have it, and some of you are overly proud of it, but do you have to show it off so openly? What’s a guy to do? Ignore it completely?
Earlier this week I was in Shop Rite. Standing at the deli counter were 2 women – I’m thinking mom and daughter. Neither of them were in what one consider good shape, although mom was certainly in better shape than her offspring – the daughter should have been hitting the salad bar…not the deli counter. They were certainly both zaftig (another great Yiddish word which is used to describe a woman’s ample body type), dressed in black stretchy pants, black tank tops, and major league push-up bras that pushed up their assets into a cavernous cleavage. They weren’t hiding much.
I always wonder what women are thinking when they show off their wares like that. Do they want people to stare at their chests because it’s pretty hard to avoid? And this is not a random occurrence. Woman show off their cleavage all the time, in all sorts of places, including certain times and certain places where it’s completely inappropriate.
Imagine if a man walked around, showing off his package in a something like this.
It would be hard not to stare, wouldn’t it? And a women’s cleavage is a lot closer to eye level than whatever this guy is showing, so if you were staring, it would be a bit more obvious. But you don’t see guys walking around with their junk in skin tight package. Bad enough some guys still wear Speedos to the beach. Imagine what life would be like if seeing a guy in extra tight undies were the same as seeing a woman in a super push-up bra. Not appealing.
So ladies, if you like having a conversation eye to boobs instead of eye-to-eye, go right ahead and keep on flashing those ta-tas at us. But with all these equal rights movements going on these daze, don’t be surprised if some guys decide to show off their nuts, just to claim equality with your boobs.
DEAR MR. WIRELESS COMPANY PRESIDENT
I’m a bit annoyed at my wireless carrier, so I’ve decided to write their president a letter. I’m not going to reveal exactly which wireless carrier I’m dealing with, but I’m pretty sure that they are all pretty much the same, and somewhere in the back of mind I keep hearing my ComLaw professor describing the whole libel/slander thing (not