Trains Trains Go Away
I grew up on the Port Washington line of the Long Island Railroad. Far and away the best train line in the NY metro area. The local was 33 minutes, the express 23. No change in Jamaica, frequent service, and not a whole lot of problems – from what I remember…but it’s been a very long time since I last rode the LIRR on a regular basis.
Without seeming to be a complete sexist or pervert or gawker or groper…what the hell is with women and their cleavage? I understand you have it, and some of you are overly proud of it, but do you have to show it off so openly? What’s a guy to do? Ignore it completely?
Earlier this week I was in Shop Rite. Standing at the deli counter were 2 women – I’m thinking mom and daughter. Neither of them were in what one consider good shape, although mom was certainly in better shape than her offspring – the daughter should have been hitting the salad bar…not the deli counter. They were certainly both zaftig (another great Yiddish word which is used to describe a woman’s ample body type), dressed in black stretchy pants, black tank tops, and major league push-up bras that pushed up their assets into a cavernous cleavage. They weren’t hiding much.
I always wonder what women are thinking when they show off their wares like that. Do they want people to stare at their chests because it’s pretty hard to avoid? And this is not a random occurrence. Woman show off their cleavage all the time, in all sorts of places, including certain times and certain places where it’s completely inappropriate.
Imagine if a man walked around, showing off his package in a something like this.
It would be hard not to stare, wouldn’t it? And a women’s cleavage is a lot closer to eye level than whatever this guy is showing, so if you were staring, it would be a bit more obvious. But you don’t see guys walking around with their junk in skin tight package. Bad enough some guys still wear Speedos to the beach. Imagine what life would be like if seeing a guy in extra tight undies were the same as seeing a woman in a super push-up bra. Not appealing.
So ladies, if you like having a conversation eye to boobs instead of eye-to-eye, go right ahead and keep on flashing those ta-tas at us. But with all these equal rights movements going on these daze, don’t be surprised if some guys decide to show off their nuts, just to claim equality with your boobs.
DEAR MR. WIRELESS COMPANY PRESIDENT
I’m a bit annoyed at my wireless carrier, so I’ve decided to write their president a letter. I’m not going to reveal exactly which wireless carrier I’m dealing with, but I’m pretty sure that they are all pretty much the same, and somewhere in the back of mind I keep hearing my ComLaw professor describing the whole libel/slander thing (not
Bruce Into Caitlyn Daze
Today’s disclaimer: I’m not homophobic, I’m not anti LGBT. I’m actually very progressive when it comes to these things. I’ve had gay colleagues, gay friends, gay fraternity brothers (one who we all knew was gay before he did), gay clients, gay neighbors, gay clergy. I’m
How Many Sins Can Jesus Take
And (once again) I know I’m going to hell for this one!
Major Major Disclaimer: Hey everyone, I’m Jewish. Not in any way shape or form a Christian…although I do think that many times I’m more “Christian” than many folks who do call themselves Christians. Those would be the folks who wage war, kill, have turned
But First Moments
There’s a really great episode of M*A*S*H from Season 1 entitled “The Army-Navy Game.” In this episode, everyone is glued to the radio listening to the big game, until a barrage of artillery leaves an unexploded bomb in the compound. Of course, anyone they call who can help them deactivate the bomb can’t be bothered because of the game. One naval officer goes so far as to tell them to call at half-time (or something along those lines).
Eventually, Hawkeye and Trapper take on the task of defusing the bomb, with Colonel Blake reading out the instructions. They have to un-tighten a screw, remove the cap and eventually get to the wires. At this point Colonel Blake reads out to them “and carefully cut the wires leading to the clockwork fuse at the head.” Trapper cuts the wire. Colonel Blake than continues “but first, remove the fuse.”
At this point, Colonel Blake looks perplexed, Hawkeye and Trapper exchange glances of dread, they try to get as away the bomb stops ticking and explodes, raining down a shower of CIA propaganda leaflets. A classic M*A*S*H moment.
I have been known to use the term “a but first moment” when the opportunity strikes. Recently, I had one recently. A few weeks back, I was working on an estimate for a client for some signage and display work outside his office. I went and took pictures of his existing piece, measured it, sent specs out to vendors for production, installation and everything need to complete the job. Showed him one vendor’s ideas and he said “no.” Showed him another vendor’s ideas, again “no.” Presented him with a 3rd option and he didn’t say no. He just said “I don’t need all of this. I just need you to design the sign”. I have a guy who can handle production and installation. At which point I say to him “but first…”
Here’s another classic but first moment. It’s actually a typo but it certainly qualifies as a “but first” moment, at least in my book. Take a look at the image below, which is taken from Hemispheres – the United Airlines inflight magazine (click on it for better viewing).
Can you spot the mistake. I will give you a clue (with kudos to my friend Matt for coining this one): Ready, Fire, Aim. You’d think with all the writers, editors, proofreaders, etc., who work on a publication of this nature, that there would be no typos but I guess they just missed this one.
For everyone who flies in an airplane, let’s hope this is only but first mistake any airline personnel ever makes.