The Rhythm of Life

I’d like to start with a quote that my mom said to me on more than one occasion when we’d visit my folks in Florida. “I love to see their fronts and I love to see their backs.” In case you don’t get it, she was talking about her children and their families. I was never really insulted by the statement as I felt the same way. Was a nice place to visit but I didn’t want to stay there too long.

Every part of your life has a certain rhythm to it.  Then there are the adjustments that are added to your life that changes that rhythm. You grow-up with your parents, you move on to college, you move home and/or you move on to a new place to live, you get married, you have kids, your kids grow-up, they go to college, they comeback, they move on, and so on and so on.

After graduating from SU in May 2011, Allie moved on and has made a life for herself in Los Angeles. Zach graduates from SU in less than 2 weeks and will be returning home, along with his dog Shay.

For most of the last 3+ years, Linda and I have been alone and that’s the rhythm of my life for the moment.

Let me clearly state that I love my children and I miss them every day they are away from me. Linda and I have been to LA 5 or 6 times since Allie moved there in August of 2011, and Allie comes home every few months including her 2 week Xmas break.  For the past several years, we have traveled every few months to Syracuse to visit, attend alumni functions and meetings, and to do what parents need to do when summoned.

But come the middle of May, our house and the rhythm of our life will change yet again. Above and beyond their physical presence, Zach and Shay will bring renewed life and energy to our home. I think the current residents of our home (especially Linda) are looking forward to that change of pace. As for me, let me just say “hakuna matata.”

Weighty Observations

A couple of weekends ago, I came across 2 people at the polar opposite ends of the weight spectrum. On Saturday I was on the golf course when I noticed a man driving his golf cart to the first hole. He was quite large – obese in fact. What was interesting about this person was that he was the only one in the cart and he was driving from the passenger seat, which was odd. As he drove past my group and I caught a side view of him, I understood why he was alone and why was sitting in the passenger seat.  Quite frankly, he couldn’t fit behind the wheel and he was by far the biggest person I had ever seen on a golf course. Part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of that man playing golf and part of me wanted to look away at what that man looked like. At least he wasn’t seated next to me on an airplane.

As my group finished the 18th hole, he was teeing up on the 10th. We all stopped to watch him as he took as tee shot. He actually had a pretty good swing but I couldn’t figure out how he saw the ball and how he managed to bend down to put his ball on the tee.

On Sunday  I went to gym. As I climbed on to the stairmaster, I couldn’t help but notice the woman working out on the elliptical next to me. She was thin, most probably anorexic. At about 5’1″ or 2″ I’d put her below 90 pounds (if that). Her skin was ashen, her eyes gaunt and blood shot. She was singularly focused on her work-out, robotic, and emotionless.  Watching her was difficult, so I tried not to.

2 days, 2 very different weight issues but I was troubled by both while watching them and can still see them in my mind. I have friends who have battled both ends of the weight spectrum. I have friends with parents and children who have suffered from these issues. We all know people who have suffered and agonized (and even past away) over weight issues at both ends of the spectrum. It’s hard to watch and I’m sure it’s even harder to live with.

I’m not passing judgement or have something deep or profound about the subject of eating disorders. I’m just making observations. People eat or don’t eat for a variety or reasons.  I eat when I’m hungry or when something tastes good. I don’t eat when my tummy expands and my 34″ waistline pants get too tight because frankly, I can’t stand the thought of all new pants.  As I’m fond of saying, “I can’t afford a new wardrobe.” I wish other people who have weight issues could have it so easy.

Where Did Peanut Allergies Come From?

The NJ Senate has passed a resolution to urge airlines to protect travelers with peanut allergies. Now, I don’t know about you but I did not know one person growing up who had peanut allergies. Didn’t even hear about them until I had kids of my own and they were in pre-school. So what I want to know is where did peanut allergies come from?

According to the good folks at Mount Sinai Hospital in NYC, the rate of children suffering from peanut and/or other tree nut allergies tripled from 1997 to 2008.  Tripled!!! That’s a lot of kids in the span of about a decade.

With my curiosity piqued, I did a little digging. One theory is that clean living has caused this dramatic increase. In others, we are so quick to treat and prevent infections that we not only kill off the bad stuff, we also kill off the good stuff that helps prevent other bad stuff.

Linda and I know this from personal experience. When Allie was little, she was prone to sinus and ear infections. Some day I will tell you about the day she had her adenoids removed…that was fun…but I digress. Because she was constantly battling infections, she was also taking meds to fight off those infections. Little did we know that we were also stripping her immune system of the good bacteria everyone needs to fight off colds, infections and other of our bodies little enemies. Who knew that bacteria could be good for you? At one point in her teenage years, Allie was actually taking a probiotic supplement to help rebuild the good bacteria in her system. Luckily for us, of all the ailments that did afflict Allie (and the dozens more she thought she had) peanut allergies was not one of them.

I guess according to this theory, by trying to make our children healthier, we might be doing just the opposite. Maybe that’s a good analogy for how kids are raised in general these days. Maybe we try to do much. Maybe we don’t let them get sick, get dirty, learn to fail, learn to walk on their own. At least that’s the way the rest of you people raise your kids.

An IraSez Update, Tuesday, 12/24 at 2 PM
Wanted to add something to this after the original posting. I’m going with IraSez peanut allergy conspiracy theory. Your child gets sick; your child is prescribed meds from a big pharma company this is trying to recovering billions of R&D dollars; the meds not only cure your child but just so happen to have a nasty side effect or two, one of which completely strips away the good bacteria the immune system needs, so your child continues to get sick and continues to get more meds and develops allergies; allergies treated by big pharmas meds, not to mention the additional meds needed to rebuild the immune system. And you wonder why these folks are so afraid of medical marijuna (but that’s a whole other IraSez post).

The Victim Was Us

On Monday, I wrote about the recent tragic death of Dustin Friedland:
http://irasez.com/2013/12/16/i-didnt-know-the-victim/

Beyond the normal emotions that I felt while reading and hearing about this tragedy, this one struck particularly close to home as the shooting occurred at The Mall at Short Hills, which is 5 minutes from my house;  and the victim was an SU alum (as am I, my wife, my daughter and soon to be my son) having graduated from the SU College of Law in 2009 and his wife SU Law ’11.

As you can tell by the title of the previous post, I didn’t know the victim. At least I didn’t know him personally but plenty of folks who read that post were quick to point out that I did in fact “know” the victim. The victim is us.

Dustin is us because his death touched our lives. Dustin is us because that could have been one of us. Dustin is us because the way he lived is the way we live. Dustin is us because he died fighting for the one he loved. But what I have found out over the past few days is that Dustin is us because his life touched my life and so many lives of people that touch my life.

Some folks call it 6 degrees of separation but I strongly believe it’s really only 2. Last January I wrote a blog post for the SU Alumni President’s blog entitled 2 Degrees of Otto:
http://suaapresident.com/2013/01/04/2-degrees-of-otto-by-guest-blogger-irasez-ira-berkowitz-82/
I don’t want anyone to think I’m making light of this tragedy but to honor his life and to best exemplify how Dustin touched our lives, here are a few examples of 2 Degrees of Dustin:

• A friend of mine and my former SU neighbor let me know that Dustin’s brother was one of her daughter’s teachers at her high school.
• My god daughter (SU ‘ 12, mom is SU ’82) lives in NYC. Her roommate works with Dustin’s wife.
• My daughter Allie lives in LA and works with a woman who is also SU Law ’11. This co-worker helped Dustin’s wife pick out her wedding dress.
• I’m sure there are many more but I think you can see where I’m going with this.

So Dustin, I didn’t know you personally but your life and your wife’s life have touched so many people in so many different ways. I will miss not having the chance to meet you, not getting to play 2 degrees of separation so we can see how our lives paths have crossed and I will miss not knowing who you were before you were the victim. May you rest in peace and may your memory be a blessing to your wife, your family, to your friends and to all whose lives your life touched.

I Didn’t Know The Victim

Earlier today, when Channel 4 News called me to discuss last night’s tragic shooting at The Mall at Short Hills, I made it clear that “I didn’t know the victim.” That’s OK they told me. You live in town, you work in town, you are well connected to SU – the victims Law School alma mater. So they came to my office, interviewed me and went on their way. News at 6. Funny how a tragedy can strike so close to home, even when you don’t know the victim.

Last night at around 9:45, I got my first glimpse into an unfolding news story. Someone posted on twitter that a shooting was being reported at The Mall. I was upset but not so much so that I was going to miss the ending of Homeland but, as soon as the show was over, I grabbed my computer and started hunting for details.  At 10 PM last night, there was not much to tell. In an apparent carjacking, someone had been shot and taken to Morristown Hospital. No age, sex or details. This morning it was reported that the a young man had died but no name was being released. Still I don’t know the victim.

At about 10:30 this morning, many more details were being released. Dustin Friedland, age 30, was senselessly gunned down for his Land Rover. His wife was in the car but was left unharmed. Dustin was an 2009 graduate of the SU College of Law and his wife as SU Law ’09. He is not involved in the local alumni club (which I preside over) and still I don’t know the victim.

I take a brief moment and posted a note on the SUNNJAC twitter account mourning the loss of a local alum and don’t think much about. I don’t use that account often (preferring my IraSez account) and very rarely check for replies or messages but something told me to leave that webpage window open. An hour later, a Channel 4 reporter responds asking if there is someone at the club who can comment on Dustin’s death. A couple of twitter messages, an email and a couple of phone calls, and at 3:15 the camera is on.  All the while I keep stating I didn’t know the victim.

Now here I sit. My interview has aired, my 15 seconds of fame is done and I’m wishing it had never happened. Such a senseless loss. To be his wife, to be his parents, to be his friends.  And who am I in this? I’m a person speaking for my communities – home and alma mater. It touches me someplace down in my soul, makes me want to hug my children even harder than usual and brings tears to my eyes. And just think…I didn’t know the victim.

The Blogging Hat

Last night was the annual SUNNJAC holiday. As many of you know, this is my 9th year as president of the SU alumni club here in North Jersey or, as I prefer to look at it as the 3rd year of my 3rd three term (there was only supposed to be one!) and it looks like a 4th term is on the horizon.

During my annual holiday party speech (you know there had to be a speech), my good friend and Orange alumni mentor Brian Spector, presented me with an @IraSez hat.  As Brian was presenting me that hat my first thought was “Shit! I haven’t written anything in a month.” My second thought was “Shit! Now I have to written something soon…real soon.”

Brian being Brian, I knew that the minute he gave me that hat, that he would take a picture of that hat and put the picture of that hat on facebook….and he did.  Thank you all for the great response to that picture and the picture of Linda and me (wearing that hat). Now the pressure was on.

Ever since I’ve started IraSez, I’ve written when the moment inspires me. I guess I haven’t really been inspired much these daze but that’s about to change. I’m actually in the process of launching a new and improved IraSez website. I’d like to tell you that I’m saving all my material for the launch of the new site but that would be a lie.  I’m just lazy sometimes.

I probably need to start writing my blogs the way I wrote my papers in college. Get totally jonesed on coffee and no-doz, stay up all night writing and see what happens. Worked more often than not but as one of my professors told me when I was handing in one of those papers having obviously pulled an all-nighter, “Mr. Berkowitz, you look like hell!”

Hoping to launch the new site in January. The site will feature regular IraSez blog posts, some links to other blogs I read and post on (mostly SU sports related), The “DailySez” where I plan to post quick thoughts on the day.  For example, my quick thought for today is “Why did Brian have to give me that damn hat!”

So, 3 weeks before New Year’s, I resolve to do more with IraSez, write more often, cover more topics, try to make you laugh, try to make you cry, try to make you think, try to make you read my blog so you will spread the word about IraSez, make me famous and maybe this thing will make me some damn money. At least enough to buy more hats.

What If Moments

About 15 years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow starred in the movie “Sliding Doors.” The movie takes a parallel view of a woman’s life if she makes the subway she is trying to catch or if she misses the subway she is trying to catch. It’s a classic “what if” moment.

Last weekend, I was in Syracuse for homecoming (and it is “homecoming”) and the annual alumni leadership meetings. Thursday night Linda, Zach, his lady friend Rebecca and I went downtown for dinner.  Part of our drive took us onto Salina Street. As I made that turn and saw the street sign, I had one my “Ira moments” where I suddenly remember something that happened in my past. There is a usually a trigger to these moments – a name, a picture, seeing a person – and in this case it was Salina Street.

In the summer of 1981, between my junior and senior years, I spent the summer at SU. Friends of mine had taken an apartment near downtown Syracuse and one day I went to visit them. I like to explore so I decided to take a different route back to my apartment at 1019 Harrison Street (the “Castle” before the court). My drive took me through a fairly low income neighborhood on Salina Street.

It was a very nice summer day. I had the windows rolled down, the music blasting and I was enjoying my drive as I explored a part of Syracuse I had never seen before. On the hill where SU resides overlooking the city, we were a bit isolated from downtown Syracuse.

In the blink of an eye, my nice moment came to an end. A ball came bouncing out onto the street between two cars. How and why I have no idea but my gut and reflexes went into action. Something told me that where there was a ball, a child would soon follow. I slammed on the brakes as hard as I could right before a small boy came dashing onto the street between the 2 cars. Somehow I managed to fish tail around the boy, into the opposite lane where a car was heading right towards me, fish tail back into my lane and than into an empty spot on the street.

My whole body froze, I literally seized up gripping the steering wheel as tight as I could. The next thing I knew, a man of about 30 was outside my car window talking to me.  From what I remember he was saying something along the lines of “Man that was amazing. I can’t believe you didn’t hit that kid…or anything else.”

The expression on my face must have been one of near trauma as the man must have realized. “Hey, are you OK? Just relax.”

Sensing my state at the moment, the man reached through the window and shut-off my car. At this point, I guess I came out of my temporary state of shock, opened the car door and got out. Looking at Salina Street I could see the skid marks the car had left. I leaned on my car, took a deep breath and thought to myself  “What if I had hit that kid? What if had run into the car coming in the opposite direction? What if they spot on the street hadn’t been empty in just the right location for me to land in? What if?”

Luckily for that kid and for me, at the moment he ran into the street my guardian angel must have been looking out for me. Unfortunately for that boy, his not so angelic mother must have heard all the commotion and came outside to see what happened. One of the neighbors must have given her an eyewitness account at which point she chose to inflict her own brand of damage on her son and whacked him across the face. 21 year old Ira stood there thinking “lady, you should be that kids is alive” and drove off. 53 year old year old Ira probably would have screamed at that lady “hey you idiot, you should hug that child with all your might and be happy he’s alive” and than whacked her across the face.  What if?

The Vitamin D Dilemma

“Don’t forget the sunblock” is an all too common warning many of us heard growing up from our moms and continue to hear now. On one visit to my dermatologist a few years ago, the conversation turned to golf. His advice to me was to “aim for the trees,” a line I frequently repeat but advice I try to avoid. It was his way of telling me to limit my exposure to the sun while I’m out on the golf course.

Listen, for years we have all heard about the dangers of too much exposure to the sun. Too much increases your risk for skin cancer and melanoma. Nobody wants that. On the other hand, nobody really talks too much about the benefits of sun exposure and the downside to not getting enough sun.

Last week I had my annually physical. My lab work showed a Vitamin D deficiency. The solution…get more sun, mother nature’s great source of Vitamin D, helping you build strong bones, fights hypertension and other positive health effects.

Oh the irony or is it on the conspiracy? From what I’ve heard, when it comes to sun screen, anything over 30 SPF is just a number. Afterall, SPF 30 blocks out 90% of the suns damaging rays. You know what happens when you use SPF 50 or more? You pay more money. Who benefits from all these lotions and sunblocks? Mostly the companies that sell them. Now, if you need to get more Vitamin D but can’t get it from the sun, where are you getting it?  I know…let’s use a Vitamin D supplement. And who benefits from Vitamin D supplement sales? I know that too. The companies that sell those.

Do the same companies that sell sun blocking products also sell Vitamin D supplements? Maybe. Do the same companies that sell sun blocking products and Vitamin D supplements share information? Maybe. Do the CEOs and other high paid executives of the companies that sell sun blocking products and Vitamin D supplements play golf together, share their corporate jets and laugh at the American consumer because they’ve poked us in the eyes with sun block and blinded us from the reality that the sun isn’t so bad afterall? Probably not but I couldn’t stop myself from seeing just how far I can take this!

The biggest advocate for sunblock usage and being very weary of the sun was my mom. Despite the fact that she lived year round in Florida for the last 16 years of her life, she never got tan. On the days she was out in the sun, she schmeared on the sun block (I think is was SPF 1000) and always wore a big beach hat whenever she would go to the beach or sit outside. A couple of years before she passed, she was told she had a Vitamin D deficiency and to get more sun. I only wish I was there to see the look on her face when the doctor told her that one.

So what are we do? I think you have to look at the sun they way you look at food. Everything in moderation. Too much sun and you’ll shrivel up like prune (and we all know plenty of folks who look like that), not to mention the potential for the really bad and potentially fatal side effects. Not enough sun and you’ve got a whole other set of issues.

As for me, I’m sorry Dr. Dermatologist but I’m going to do my best to keep my ball in the fairway.

Carrier Dome Daze (and Haze)

Carrier Dome Daze (and Haze)

Yesterday I was interviewed by Natsumi Ajiska, who writes for the Daily Orange, the campus newspaper at my alma mater (that would be Syracuse University in case you haven’t noticed). She was writing an article about the Carrier Dome and looking for someone who had been there on the day it opened…and I was: http://dailyorange.com/2013/08/loudhouse-legacy-after-33-years-carrier-dome-evolves-into-su-icon/

I was also there for the last game in Archbold Stadium. My dorm room freshman year faced the stadium and I lived through the first few months of demolition. I was there for the last basketball game in Manley Fieldhouse, the saddest moment of my 4 years at SU.  I was in the Dome for the first football and basketball games.

On September 20, 1980, the Carrier Dome played host to it’s first game, SU vs the Miami of Ohio.  Game time was scheduled for early afternoon.  Only one small problem….it was also Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement and the holiest day of the Jewish year where Jews are supposed to fast, go to temple and ask for forgiveness.  OY!

Now at a place like Notre Dame, or any of the large midwestern schools, this is not much of a problem.  At SU, with a student body that was 25-30% Jewish and a sizable Jewish population in the city of Syracuse and surrounding areas, this was a wee bit of an issue. Once the university discovered the error of their ways (and I forgive them), the decision was made to move the game time back into the evening, 7:30 or so (if my memory is correct).

At the time, I was living with my 2 roomies, Mike Solondz and Dave Grossman, at 1019 Harrison Street, in the original Castle in what is now called Castle Court.

That’s the roomies and me in the fall of 1980. Had our picture taken at Shoppingtown Mall, put it in a nice frame and it hung in our apartment, just like family…and for 2 years, we were and still are.

We had been living in our apartment for just a few weeks, when it was decided that Yom Kippur would be the perfect time to throw a big party  – a break fast into the Carrier Dome opening pregame. And so it went.  We broke fast at 5:30, tapped the keg at 6 and it was off to the game. Nothing like getting a fresh start of our sins for next Yom Kippur!
Editors Note – as far as I’m concerned, this was the birth of the now world famous Castle Parties.

It was a beautiful day up in Syracuse, temperature was probably in the high 70s.  Upon entering The Dome, you had to notice 2 things:  First, it was really warm in the Dome; second there appeared to be a layer of fog or a high cloud near the ceiling. At first, I thought it was me seeing things through the pregame party haze. Upon further inspection, there really was a thin cloud atop The Dome. In what can only be described as the ultimate case of irony, The Carrier Dome, named after a large air conditioning company, actually has no AC of it’s own. I know…how stupid but that’s what you get for under $30,000,000. Ventilation was strictly done au natural with a series of vents and airflow. Only problem was when they designed the place, nobody took into account the body heat of 50,000 screaming fans…or so urban legend has it.  Needless to say, it was a 3 H day in the dome: Hazy, hot and humid.  On a side note, SU went on to win the opening game but the game itself was probably the least memorable part of the day, at least for me.

One other thing I remember about the opening year in The Dome. Can’t remember the specific game but I do recall one play where Joe Morris, our star running back at the time, was tackled out of bounds and knocked into one of concrete walls off the sideline.  Seems like somebody forgot about padding a problem that was quickly fixed. These things do get taken care of when your star player gets hurt running into an unpadded concrete wall.

For 33 years, the big pillow has stood as an icon of SU. Over the years, I’ve visited The Dome many times. Football, basketball, freshman orientation, lacrosse and the graduation of our daughter Allie in 2011. Already got my tickets for the homecoming (and it is Homecoming god damn it!) game the first weekend in October, hotels booked for the SU v Duke basketball in February and we are ready for graduation weekend 2014 when our son Zach becomes an alum.

Not much has changed in The Dome over the past 33 years. The aluminum bench seats are still uncomfortable, the men’s bathroom troughs are the same (and I don’t think they have changed the hardware in all those years) and there’s not nearly enough bathrooms in the place, it’s still cramped and there is still no AC. Yes, they have updated the scoreboards and added some amenities but I still think there is room for improvement. I’d like to see The Dome live on for years and years, so that I can continue to visit my alma mater for football, basketball and more. Who knows, maybe someday I will return to see the next generation of my family walk into The Dome on graduation day. That would be nice….as would a nice cushy and comfy chair.