Ira In The Morning

Posted by: on May 24, 2012 | 2 Comments

I have a confession to make. I am not a morning person. There, I’ve finally admitted this publicly. Actually, it’s really no big secret. Linda will tell you I’m one lazy shit when it comes to crawling out of bed most every morning. Hey, it’s not like I commute into the city. Sleeping late is one of the many benefits of having your office 2 miles from you house.

Anyone who has ever heard one of my many Iraisms knows that my favorite one is “There used to be 3 things that got me up before dawn: Skiing, golf and sex. Now there’s only golf.” Unfortunately, middle age has added a new twist to that statement. It’s now golf and my bladder. Most nights (or mornings depending on how you look at things), right around 4 or 5 AM, the urge hits, I stumble out of bed, into the bathroom, relieve the urge and stumble right back into bed.

Lately, this is where the trouble begins. Getting to sleep at night doesn’t seem to be an issue but getting back to sleep after the late night/early morning jaunt to El Juan is. Toss, turn, toss some more, look at the clock, turn some more, side, back, front, upside down, look at the clock, again. It’s like something a well choreographed scene out of A Chorus Line – Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch…Again!

Now the problem is I not only do I now I’m going to wake up but now I worry about getting back to sleep. I even worry about getting back to sleep before I go to sleep in the first place.  And when I do wake-up, my head spins round and round like a top.  Work stuff, ideas for client projects, am I going loony, what should I write my next blog on and why don’t I write more often, is this male menopause, I wonder how my folks are doing, I wonder how my kids are doing, I wonder what the hell I’m doing up at this hour and how does Linda sleep through my all this?

I guess this is just another one of life’s phases that is now part of the nightly routine. I really preferred it when sex was one of the options of that “got me up before dawn.”

May’s Random Observations

Posted by: on May 10, 2012 | No Comments

As I stated a few months back, I often have thoughts/ideas for a post but just have enough to go with or can’t completely wrap my head (warped though it may be) around an idea. So I like to post shorter, random thoughts from time to time. Now is one of these times.

Just had my annual physical. My doctor suggested I see the dermatologist, just to check on things (a.k.a age spots). A few days later, my lab results came in and I have a slight Vitamin D deficiency. The solution, get more sun, which is strange because I think I get plenty of sun and was just in Florida a few weekends ago. Knowing my dermatologist, he will tell me to wear plenty of sunblock when I’m outdoors. I’m so confused (more than usual).

I like to take Cosmo for walks in the reservation behind Old Short Hills Park near where we live. Most of the dogs are very well behaved and are running around off leash. Occasionally she will get into a little barking match with a dog, usually one that is poorly trained and is therefore on a leash. Inevitable that dog owner barks (get it) at me for having my dog off leash. My reaction is to pull Cosmo away and walk off but what I’m thinking is “f@#^ you you idiot. If it’s my dog’s fault, why isn’t my dog on a leash.” I’d like to put a choker collar on some of these idiots. Wuff.

What the hell is wrong with Pennsylvania highways? I started driving from the NY metro area to Syracuse through Pennsylvania in the fall of 1979, which was the beginning of my sophomore year. My strongest memory of that first trip was the hour it took me to get from the 12 miles from Water Gap to 380 because of the construction. Yesterday I picked up my son as he just finished his sophomore year there. Not construction on 80 but 2 sections on 81 north of Scranton, which is better than the 4 sections of construction that were on 81 in 2007 when my daughter Allie was entering her freshman year at SU. That normally 3-1/2 hour drive home took over 5 hours. If you don’t there is something seriously wrong with the infrastructure in our country, I give you exhibit A, the highways of Pennsylvania.

I have no idea what is causing all this insane weather but I’m sure Mother Nature is getting a good laugh. Had the AC on in April but had to turn the heat back on May. Well actually, Linda turned the heat back on. My rule is the heat goes off for good no later than April 15th and stays off until October. I’ve added that to my list of things that Linda doesn’t really pay attention to me about but why she should be different than everyone else.