Anti New Year’s Resolutions

Personally, I think New Years Resolutions are pretty lame. I never make them so I never have to keep them.  But, in keep with the holiday spirit, I have decided to make several New Year’s Resolutions with the intention of breaking all of them as soon as I can.

1.  I promise to go to the gym at least twice….no…make that once a week.  You’d think they wouldn’t be so hard but inevitably something else comes up. In my defense, I do walk a lot, although it’s tougher in winter and when I get home from work, I usually find something else to occupy my time, which brings us to number 2.

2. I will drink less. Yea, that’s not happening either. Actually, I don’t drink all that much or so I think. Admittedly, I do like a glass of something when I get home to take the edge off but I don’t get sloppy, which is too bad for those of you who have never seen me in a state of sloppy drunkiness.  Stories for another day.

3. I will try to be less sarcastic. That one won’t even make until 1 AM on New Years Day.

4.  I will try to be less cynical.  See #3.

5. I will spend less time surfing the internet. Unfortunately that’s one of my addictions. I’m an information junkie and there is just no better place to find information that on the internet. Besides, I still don’t know all the answers on Jeopardy.

6. I will eat healthier. That’s one that usually lasts the longest. Go to the doctor, get the blood work, he tells me my LDLs or HDLs or whatever the hell is supposed to be below 200 but it’s not, are too high. So I cut back on the stuff that causes high cholesterol  but it always manages to creep back into my diet. My wife does need to take some responsibility for this as she’s a bad influence. I wonder….

OK, I think 6 resolutions I have no intention of keeping is enough for now. Here’s a couple I’d really like to try and keep.

1. I will try to control my temper. Yes, I have been known to blow the proverbial gasket every now and then. 99.99999999999999% of the world never sees this part of me but for the 3 of you that do (4 including Cosmo), I will try and do better…really.

2. I will see more movies in the theater. Can never figure out why I can’t manage to do this, afterall I love movies, used to work in the TV commercial biz so have some idea of production but I always seem to miss some really good flicks on the big screen. I realize this isn’t an earth shattering, make the world a better place type of resolution but sometimes it just need to be all about yourself.

That’s all for now.  I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and I look forward to amusing you all in 2011 (a resolution I do intend to keep).