The Berko Stare

The Berko Stare

This post is dedicated to my friend Jeff, who thinks he’s going to be in my car when I’m the victim of road rage after I give someone my yet to be famous stare…The Berko Stare.

There are certain things you expect to inherit from your parents. Genetic traits passed down from generation to generation. Personality traits you latch onto by osmosis. When it comes to driving, I get my behind the wheel personality from my mom….and please don’t tell my dad.

Growing up, there were 2 types of drivers in my house. First there was my dad, the very definition of defensive driving. Never drove over the speed limit, very rarely ventured out of the right lane, prepared to exit the highway 2 miles in advance…with his blinker on.

And than there was my mom, heavy pedal Helen. Never saw a speed limit she couldn’t ignore. Honked her way with a vengeance if you cut her off or drove the speed limit in the left lane of the highway. Was known to flip the bird to passenger cars and truck drivers alike.

I try to avoid using my horn in favor of flashing brights. Prefer not take on crazy truckers. In place of the finger is The Stare. Cut me off…you get The Stare. Make me pass you in the right lane…you get The Super Stare. As far as I’m concerned there is no greater offense than being a left lane dick (for more info on that check out this post from 2010 – http://www.irasez.com/left-lane-dick-extreme/ ). If you are going 80 in the left lane and I want to do 85, get the f’ out of way! I really don’t care you are going over the speed limit!

Last week saw the creation of new stare – The Berko Triple Stare. Allow me to explain. Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and we were in LA for the week, the whole family. On our way from Calabasas (and a nasty game of touch football) to Tarzana, we exited the 101, waited on the off ramp, second in line for the green light, and watched as not one but two cars ran the light when our light turned green.

Now we pull up to the 2nd car to run the light. I think it was a VW Jetta. What I do know is there were 2 young Asian girls in the car. Please don’t make this out to be some racist stereotypical comment about Asian drivers. It’s not that, even though you think it might be that, which actually makes you the racist…not me.

Anyway, I gave them The Stare. Not only do I give them the stare, from the back seat Allie and Zach give them The Stare. And there you have it – The Berko Triple Stare. But it gets better. The girls in the other car proceed to give US the finger, while taking this all in on their cell phones. Not only do they give us the finger waiting for the light to turn onto Ventura Blvd to turn green, at the next light, they are still waving that finger at us, laughing as if they are the funniest thing since Margaret Cho (OK, that’s a bit racist but everyone is a little bit racist….cue the Avenue Q soundtrack).

One last thing. A month or so ago, my friend Jeff (who I mentioned above) called to tell me he had just given someone his own version of the stare. Glad to see I was able to teach him something. Jeff – now about that golf swing…