The Idiot Tax

THE IDIOT TAX

I think I’ve come up with a new type of tax that even the most flaming far right conservative republican can get behind. It’s called The Idiot Tax and yesterday in Toms River, NJ, we had a perfect example of how this would work.

Let’s recap what our 2 idiots did. They drove a truck out onto a partially frozen section of the Toms River. Now this is New Jersey. Not Wisconsin or Minnesota, where folks routinely drive trucks and small huts out onto frozen lakes to go ice fishing. It’s not New Hampshire where they recently opened up a 3000 foot runway for small airplanes on Lake Winnipeesaukee. It’s New Jersey and it’s not even North Jersey. Folks don’t usually drive their trucks out onto a somewhat frozen body of water in the Garden State, despite the record cold weather we’ve been having.

And that’s not all these idiots did. According to a witness, the truck did a series of donuts while driving across the river.

But that’s not all. The driver and his asshole buddy (and I do mean asshole) managed to escape the truck before it sank, but forgot to tell anybody that they were OK. Worse yet, they left a dog in the truck to drown when the truck sank.

Sunday morning, the NJ State Police and Coast Guard started an all out search and rescue, only to find out later that the driver and passenger were safe and sound. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the dog. According to one news report I heard, the cost of all of this was more than $100,000 – and here’s where the Idiot Tax comes in.

First, these 2 idiots should be prosecuted for being…well…for being idiots. Make them repay every penny spent on attempting to search for their sorry asses. Second, they should be charged with animal cruelty and put in a cage in a dog pound, and given water and dog food for a few daze. Third, they should be hit with the Idiot Tax: Punitive damages paid to the State of New Jersey. What are those damages?  I’ve got no idea. Maybe double the cost of the search and rescue mission. Maybe more severe.

Whatever it is, it won’t be enough. It won’t be bring back the life of that poor dog. It won’t stop other idiots from doing whatever idiots do, and probably won’t stop these 2 from doing something just as idiotic again. However, it might put a very small dent in our state’s budget deficit. Unfortunately, we can’t tax the folks who run things here in New Jersey, who very often act like??? You guessed it -IDIOTS!