Carry-on luggage rules according to Ira

Traveled home from Florida yesterday. A bit chaotic in Palm Beach Airport, which I just loved. First, thunderstorms in Newark caused a delay. As the plane was boarding, they announced the overhead bins were full and no more carry-on luggage would be allowed (more on that coming up). This occurred when the plane was only about 2/3 or 3/4 boarded, so there was still plenty of passengers in the waiting area, one of whom slammed his suitcase on the ground so hard it almost solved his problem. Then they ran out of luggage tags causing another moment of craziness. I just waited and laughed.

I don’t usually use bring a carry-on suitcase with me on board. As long as I’m checking my golf clubs, I may as well check everything else except for my backpack which has a book, iPod and computer. I also try to be the last one on the plane, as I can’t stand waiting on the jet-way or in the aisles as people find their seats and deal with all the crap they bring on the plane with them.

So, here are my rules for everyone who does use carry-on luggage:

1. If you can’t lift it into the bin yourself and take it out when the flight is over, don’t bring it on the plane.  And this is not me being against the elderly. I love old people and hope to be one myself someday.

2. If you bring a piece of luggage plus another piece of carry-on that doesn’t fit under the seat in front of you, be prepared for me to make fun of you in front of all the passengers (which I did) because you have abused the system and you are an asshole.

3.  If you need assistance to get on the plane, you shouldn’t be allowed to wheel something onto the plane. The fact that you are being wheeled onto the plane should suffice. Don’t inconvenience everyone else by making the airport attendant wheel you and your luggage up the jet-way, only creates a massive traffic jam for. OK, all supporters of folks in wheelchairs, take your best shots.

4. Not really a carry-on rule but please don’t jump into the aisles the moment the plane has gotten to the gate. Just where the hell do you think you are going and you keep sticking your butt into place I’d rather not have it.

Glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for reading and please spread the word!