Toupée Daze

Posted by: on Mar 31, 2014 | No Comments

I was in Penn Station last week, when a man walked by me wearing one of the most ridiculous toupées I had ever seen. Looked like a steel wool pad. Now I’m not talking Brillo or an SOS pad. I’m talking one of those industrial strength steel wool pads. Something like this:

Does this look like hair to you?

Does this look like hair to you?

Am I exaggerating?  Yes but not as much as you think. I honestly think I could have taken this guy’s hair piece home, put some dishwashing liquid on it and scrubbed a few pots and pans.

When it comes to hair, I’m lucky. Still got most of mine and what I’ve got is mostly brown.  Makes it easy for me to poke fun of those who are follickly challenged.  But if you know me, I could be completely bald and I’d still make fun of these people.

It’s not the going bald that’s so funny. It’s what people do to pretend that they are not going bald. Let’s explore the options.

First, we have the comb over. The comb over comes with 2 options:  First to third and home to second. Always fun in windy daze or when they come unglued (if that is being used). Nothing like seeing a bald man using this process when he comes undone. A dome on top with hair down to their ass coming out one side of their head.

Next we have plugs. The major problem here is sometimes plugs become unplugged. Than you are left with a dome with little holes in it. Shocking that the air doesn’t come leaking out of those people.

And now we come to the toupée, the hair piece, the rug, the lettuce leaf, a wig. Have you ever actually seen someone wearing one of these things that you couldn’t tell that it was topping on their snow cone? May as well put some whip cream and a cherry on that baby cause it’s not liking you are hiding the fact that you’ve gone bald!

For many man (and a few woman), going bald is a fact of life.  When I was younger and making fun of my prematurely balding friends, my mother used to tell me that her father was bald and that the balding gene came from the mother’s side of the pool. Luckily for me mom was wrong and lucky for her she didn’t put me into therapy over this (and a few other things).

My opinion is better to go bald proudly. Don’t try to cover it up. The results are usually worse and you never know what someone will think or do if you chose to wear one of those ridiculous toupées. You could end up in a kitchen somewhere with dish pan head.