Dear Mr. Wireless Company President

DEAR MR. WIRELESS COMPANY PRESIDENT

I’m a bit annoyed at my wireless carrier, so I’ve decided to write their president a letter. I’m not going to reveal exactly which wireless carrier I’m dealing with, but I’m pretty sure that they are all pretty much the same, and somewhere in the back of mind I keep hearing my ComLaw professor describing the whole libel/slander thing (not that I’ve ever let that stop me before). Here goes and it is dripping with sarcasm (as the t-shirt sez…..just another service we offer).

Dear Mr. Wireless Company President:

How are you? I’m doing well, in case you wanted to know. Actually just getting over a case of bronchitis and have just been able to sleep through the night the past couple of daze, including this past Saturday.  That is, until my phone started going off. It was your company texting and calling, all at the same time. They wanted to let me know that my payment was overdue and that I had 12 daze to pay up…or else. Did I mention that the first text and the first call both came in around 8:30 AM. So nice of your company to call me at 8:30 on Saturday morning to remind that my payment was due or you were going to shut off my service. Such a pleasant start to the weekend. And the 5 calls and 2 texts I received throughout the day on Saturday…those were just as pleasant to receive.

I should mention this is not the first time your company has done this to me. Seems to be a regular thing. My payment is a few days past due and you folks are nice enough to remind me to pay my bill. I find it interesting that you start calling and texting me before I even get my next bill in the mail but I know a big company like yours really needs my $400 right on time every month. Funny thing is it always seems to be on a Saturday, no matter how many times I call and speak to your customer service folks to ask them to please stop calling me on the weekend. They are always so nice on the phone, tell me they understand and the weekend calls will never happen again. Only they do.

Then there’s the time your company called my daughter. You know, the one who lives in California and is not responsible for the bill. That same daughter I have told your customer service people to take off the contact list if the bill is past due. Funny how they seem to promise that as well but it still happens. I guess you guys aren’t as good about keeping your promises as you think you are.

So I have some questions for you Mr. Wireless Company President:
1. Do you get calls and texts before 9 AM on a Saturday morning from any company that you’re a few daze late paying? If so, don’t you just love getting them?
2. Do they call you and text at almost the same time, and call and text you repeatedly throughout the day? Makes it that much more fun, doesn’t it.
3. Do they call your children if you don’t respond, and, if they do, how does that make you feel? I know I’m thrilled because now my daughter has a reason to call me. Maybe I should just make her the primary contact so I know she’ll call me at least once a month (editor’s note….and I’m kidding. Allie calls and texts all the time just because I’m the coolest dad there is. It says so in an IraSez blog post so you know it has to be true:  http://www.irasez.com/youre-the-best/).
4. If you’ve repeatedly called customer service to discuss these early Saturday morning texts and phone calls, do they just say they are paying attention to your requests not be be bothered on weekends, or do they actually stop bothering you on weekends?
5. Have you received your bill before the texts and calls start? Sure, I could get the bill via email or check it online. That would actually save you money, wouldn’t it? Hey, maybe you should offer your customers who save you money a discount of some kind on their bill. At least the cost of postage and printing. You could promise folks that you’ll do that…but than again, you guys aren’t really known for keeping your promises. At least not in my book.

Well Mr. President, I hope you have a great day. You’ve got my number so feel free to call or text me anytime day or night to discuss this letter. I’m used to getting annoying texts and calls from your company even when I’m sleeping, so it shouldn’t be problem.

Regards,

Ira Berkowitz